


Shut Up, Turd!

by I_Hate_Fanon



Category: South Park
Genre: Based on episodes, Canon Age, Canon Compliant, F/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Character Death, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Puberty, Self-Esteem Issues, She just hides it behind anger, Shelly and Kevin are lifelong friends, Shelly is just as depressed as Stan is and I will die on this hill, Shelly/Skyler is NOT romanticized, Sibling Relationship, Sibling Rivalry, Teen Angst, The later chapters are better, ric122 fuck off challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 15,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Hate_Fanon/pseuds/I_Hate_Fanon
Summary: A collection of drabbles and oneshots revolving around Shelly Marsh, based on Tumblr roleplay prompts. Primarily canon age, with a few pre-canon and post-canon sprinkled in.Chapter 38: "You saw what I really looked like and ghosted me! And now that I’ve lost my headgear and gone up a couple of cup sizes, you’re suddenly interested!"
Relationships: Shelly Marsh & Eric Cartman, Shelly Marsh & Kevin McCormick, Shelly Marsh & Stan Marsh, Shelly Marsh/Amir, Shelly Marsh/Kevin McCormick, Shelly Marsh/Larry Feegan, Shelly Marsh/Skyler Morse, implied Shelly Marsh/Scott Tenorman
Comments: 15
Kudos: 20





	1. Intro and Table of Contents

Welcome to my little collection! These little ficlets are based around prompts sent to my Tumblr roleplay, but I decided to post them here because to be frank, Shelly's portrayal in the few fics she's included in on A03 is fucking atrocious 95% of the time and I hope to go against the curve. She's easily the most misunderstood character in the fandom and hopefully my take on her might make a few people look at her character with a bit more nuance.

Check out itsshellybitch.tumblr.com to see how I get into Shelly's head and urspopinionsareshit.tumblr.com for my often controversial South Park opinions.

* * *

Index of stories arranged in chronological order, in case you're looking for a specific time period:

[Milestone IV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/72662550) (pre-canon)

[Childhood Memory](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70243275#workskin) (pre-canon)

[Seven](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71610927#workskin) (pre-canon)

[Childhood Memory II](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70243431#workskin) (pre-canon)

[Childhood Memory III](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70243566#workskin) (pre-canon)

[Ugly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/72879996) (Season 1)

[Snacks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70243752#workskin) (Season 1)

[Milestone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/72325056#workskin) (Season 1)

[Cruelty](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70243080#workskin) (no specific season)

[Job](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70244172#workskin) (Season 3)

[Fear](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70242960#workskin) (Season 3)

[Eric](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71817822#workskin) (Season 3)

[Dear Diary III](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71144679#workskin) (Season 5, concurrent with "Stare")

[Stare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71249574#workskin) (Season 5, concurrent with "Dear Diary III")

[Injury](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70242504#workskin) (no specific season)

[Sunligh](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70244409#workskin)t (Season 12)

[Amir](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71783814#workskin) (Season 12)

[Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70572093#workskin) (Season 13)

[Dear Diary II](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70976457#workskin) (Season 15)

[Larry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71781354#workskin) (Season 15)

[Larry II](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71873700#workskin) (Season 15)

[Dear Diary](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70976328#workskin) (Season 15)

[Cold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70242591#workskin) (Season 15)

[Flashback](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70242168#workskin) (Season 15)

[Excitement](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70463619#workskin) (Season 18)

[Misunderstanding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70242825#workskin) (between Season 19 and Season 23)

[Forgotten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/73330452) (Season 22)

[Sad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70244586#workskin) (Season 23)

[Garden](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/70243917#workskin) (Season 23)

[Milestone II](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/72400509#workskin) (post-canon)

[Sixteen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71561346#workskin) (post-canon)

[Empathetic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/72996777) (post-canon)

[Milestone III](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/72467394#workskin) (post-canon)

[Retrouvaille](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/73713093) (post-canon)

[Twenty One](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71561787#workskin) (post-canon)

[Twenty Seven](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/71663535#workskin) (post-canon)

[ric122](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654626/chapters/73061859) (non-canon troll chapter)


	2. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send "Flashback" to have your muse see one of my muse's bad memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during "Broadway Bro Down"

Shelly silently stared out of the car window, trying her best to keep a poker face. She shivered in her wet clothes. Her parents’ attempts to reach out to her fell on deaf ears. All she could hear was the sound of rushing water. And the screams. She screwed her eyes shut, trying to drown it out, but the image of Larry’s terrified face as he lost the grip of her hand filled her vision.

_This is all my fault…_


	3. Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send my muse a word and they'll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Injury

“So I ran into to your friend Kelly’s mom at J-Mart today, Shelly. Why didn’t you tell me that the 7th and 8th grade winter formal was tomorrow?”

“Because I’m not going!” Shelly spat at her mother.

“But sweetie, it will be fun! We still have time to pick out a dress! You don’t want to miss these moments!”

“I said I’m not going! That dance is for losers! And besides, I don’t have a date!”

“What about Kevin? I’m sure that he’d be happy to-”

“I’M NOT GOING TO BE SOMEBODY’S PITY DATE! I’D RATHER DIE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Shelly stormed upstairs and into her room, slamming the door so hard that the house shook.

“Fuck that stupid school dance!” She muttered to herself, ignoring the all too familiar stinging sensation in her eyes. “As if I want to spend the night surrounded by a bunch of turds anyways!”

She caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror hanging on her closet door. The usual revulsion and self-hatred welled up inside her and before she knew what she was doing, she punched the mirror as hard as she could.

_SMASH!_

Shards of glass splintered and flew everywhere. A particularly large piece sliced across her palm.

She stared at the blood flowing from the gash on her hand, almost fascinated by the sheer amount of it. She was temporarily distracted from that stupid dance and her stupid friends and their stupid dates having fun without her.

And then the pain set in.

She heard a timid knock on her door. Stan cautiously stepped into her room. “Um Shelly, Mom wants to know if -DUDE! Mom! Dad! Come quick!”

She was starting to feel light-headed. The last thing she saw before passing out was her brother’s horrified face.


	4. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send my muse a word and they'll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Fear
> 
> Takes place during "Cat Orgy". Warning for potentially sensitive content.
> 
> Couldn't really come up with a decent ending for this one...

For the first time in her life, Shelly Marsh felt powerless.

“Yeah! Come on! Give it up!”

The kisses were getting more aggressive. His hands were roaming all the place.

“No.”

He persisted. He clumsily attempted to unbutton her shirt.

“Give it up, babe!”

She was starting to panic. That nagging voice in her head that had been pestering her ever since she met Skyler was now screaming at her. It wasn’t supposed to be like this!

“NO!”

She was paralyzed. That voice in her head was yelling at her to kick him in the balls and run, but she was unable to move. What was wrong with her? She was Shelly fucking Marsh! The girl who took down her brother’s giant clone!

Suddenly, a new fear set in. _What if he’s the only person who will ever want to do… THAT with me? Will I die a virgin if I don’t give in?_

She saw the fat turd out of the corner of her eye and it suddenly dawned on her that a mere four years ago, she was the same age as him, while the turd currently trying to shove his tongue down her throat was already a legal adult.

_I can’t do this! I’m just a fucking kid! I won’t even be a teenager for four more months!_

She finally managed to shove Skyler away.

“No Skyler, I’m not putting out for you!”


	5. Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send my muse a word and they'll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Misunderstanding

Shelly grabbed a drink from the refrigerator, tuning out the conversation that her father was currently having with her Uncle Jimbo in the living room. Suddenly, the sound of her name made her stop in her tracks.

“… when Shelly came along. Yeah, I really wanted a boy. Not gonna lie, Jim. When I heard that Sharon was expecting a girl, I was pretty disappointed.”

The pain that seized her heart was worse than Larry’s death and Skyler dumping her combined.

_That explains everything. At least now I know why he ignores me and why he prefers the turd. He never even wanted me!_

She spun around on her heel and bolted back to her room.

The two men looked momentarily startled upon hearing the loud slam of a door, but immediately continued their conversation.

“I was over the moon when Shelly was born though! I wouldn’t trade her for anything! Even if she is at a difficult age right now! The high that you get when holding your first born for the first time is better than anything from even the best strain of Colorado Kush!”


	6. Cruelty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send my muse a word and they'll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Cruelty

“OW!”

“Shut up, turd! Take your punishment!”

“I didn’t even DO anything to you! What the hell is your problem?!”

“YOU ARE, TURD!”

Shelly’s next punch sent Stan flying into the wall. The family photo hanging above them crashed to the floor.

Stan struggled to his feet. “WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING MEAN TO ME? I JUST WANT AN ANSWER! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?”

Shelly was about to bite off a cruel retort until Stan burst into tears. The words died in her throat.

“I - uh.”

She was at a loss for words. Something about her brother turning on the tears always did that to her.

She couldn’t let her guard down now. If she had to be unhappy, then the turd did too. No matter how guilty she felt about it.

Shelly regained her composure, shoved Stan to the floor, and kicked him in the ribs. “BECAUSE YOU EXIST, TURD!”


	7. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send my muse a word and they'll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Cold
> 
> Takes place during "Broadway Bro Down"

She shivered outside of the theater in her sopping wet clothes. The heavy blanket that the paramedic handed her wasn’t doing a thing. She just couldn’t warm up.

She glanced at the ambulance and quickly looked away, trying not to think about the covered stretcher within. She shuddered again.

“SHELLY! Thank God!”

Her parents ran up to the scene and embraced her.

Their body heat did nothing. She was still chilled to the bone.


	8. Childhood Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send (cloud emoji) for a childhood memory!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shelly is three, almost four here. While I do intend to portray Jimbo and Ned as a couple, you can interpret their relationship as you wish.

“Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. And congrats again, Randy! Send Sharon my love, will ya!”

Jimbo hung up the phone and turned to his niece, who was scowling on the sofa next to Ned. “How about that, Shelly? You have a new little brother! You excited?”

“NO! I DON’T WANT A STUPID BRUVVER!” the three year old shouted.

“Come on now! It'll be like having a playmate that never has to go home! Just think about all the fun you two will have together! Just like me and your mommy used to!”

“I don’t wanna play with a stupid baby! I already play with Kevin!”

“Right. Well… when you get bigger, somebody needs to beat up any boy who tries to cross you! You have your very own bodyguard!”

Ned tried not to laugh at that. He was pretty sure that the little girl sitting next to him could easily take down a rampaging elephant.

“I do that all by myself! That’s why Ms. Claridge puts me in timeout!”

“Oh. Uh…” Jimbo was starting to falter. “A little help, Ned?”

“Mmmm… you’re part of a special club now. The Oldest Sibling Club.”

Shelly looked intrigued by that. “A club?”

“That’s right!” Jimbo added. “I’m a member too! A club just for big kids! And little Stanley won’t be able to join! This is a special club for special kids!”

She perked up even more. “Special? And the turd baby can’t be in it?”

“Don’t call the little fella a turd, Shelly. But you get to do all kinds of things! You get to boss him around. And maybe even give him a whack when he’s getting on your nerves sometimes!”

For the first time since she arrived at her uncles’ house, a smile flickered across Shelly’s face. “I get to be the boss! I think I like having a bruvver now!”

Ned looked at the little girl apprehensively. He recognized that bloodthirsty look in her eyes from his boxing days. “Mmmm… I think you might have created a monster, Jimbo.”

“Stop worrying! Everything’s fine! She’ll forget all about this by dinner! She and little Stanley are going to get along like two peas in a pod!”


	9. Childhood Memory II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send (cloud emoji) for a childhood memory!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shelly is eight/nine and in the third grade

“Ow! Stop it!”

“Eat mud, redneck!” The older boy shoved Kevin McCormick’s face into a mud puddle.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE, TURD!” Shelly bellowed, stomping up to the two boys.

The taller ginger kid snickered. “Are YOU going to make me?”

The third grader balled her fists. “YEAH! I’m going to wipe the pavement with you, stupid turd!”

The boy laughed. “You? You’re a shrimp! Good luck with that, SMELLY Marsh!”

He didn’t have time to react before she threw herself at him, fists flying.

Kids from all grade levels descended onto the scene like locusts, cheering the two fighters on. Mr. Mackey, taking notice of the commotion, rushed over right away.

“That’s enough, mmmkay! Shelly Marsh! Scott Tenorman! Report to Principal Victoria’s office immediately! Mmmkay!” Mr. Mackey pulled the still swinging girl off of the now bawling Scott.

As the two trudged to the principal’s office, Shelly stopped and shoved Scott against a row of lockers.

“Mess with Kevin again and I’ll knock your teeth down your throat, turd!”

Scott merely nodded. A purple bruise was already starting to form on his freckled cheek.

Shelly smirked. “This is going to follow you forever, turd. You got beaten up by a girl! A YOUNGER girl! You’ll never live this down! But look on the bright side! Things can’t get any worse for you!”


	10. Childhood Memory III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send (cloud emoji) for a childhood memory!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shelly is eight/nine and in the third grade

“Okay, children. I’ve just graded your math tests. Some of you did very well, while others…” Mr. Garrison glared pointedly at Shelly as he handed her paper back.

“A D minus? This is so unfair!”

“Yeah, well maybe you should spend more time studying instead of terrorizing your classmates, you little heathen! Isn’t that right, Mr. Hat?”

“That’s right, Mr. Garrison! This kid’s a studio apartment and thirty cats waiting to happen if she doesn’t shape up!”

Shelly felt the rage building up inside her. “You only gave me a bad grade because you hate me!”

“You said it, I didn’t.” Mr. Garrison shrugged.

Shelly could only see red. Before she knew what she was doing, she stood up and hurled her chair at her teacher.

Mr. Garrison stood there in stunned silence while his classroom exploded into chaos. The students buzzed excitedly. Larry Feegan burst into tears.

The frazzled teacher finally regained his composure and marched Shelly to the principal office, bellowing himself hoarse all the way.

* * *

A day later, Shelly sulked in her room. The week long suspension she received for her actions was already proving to be less fun than she had hoped, especially since it was accompanied by a two week grounding.

She heard a knock at her door.

“GO AWAY!”

The door opened to reveal her grandfather. “That’s not any way to talk to your elders, missy!”

To say that Shelly was surprised was an understatement. For as long as she could remember, her grandfather had never entered her room.

“Grandpa? What are you doing here?”

The old man wheeled into the bedroom. “I heard about what you did to that poofter teacher of yours.”

Shelly groaned. She had already received lectures from her parents, Mr. Garrison, Principal Victoria, and Mr. Mackey. Now her grandfather was going to lay into her too.

“Look, I SAID I was sorry! I was just having a bad day!”

“You made your old grandpa proud, Shelly!”

“But I -wait, what?”

“At least one of my grandkids has balls, even if it is the girl grandkid! I’ve just about given up on little Billy!”

Shelly couldn’t help but smile at this.

Marvin fumbled for his wallet and handed his granddaughter a ten dollar bill. “Keep up the good work, you little hellion!”

“Wow! Thanks, Grandpa!”

“Hows about I take you to Shakey’s tomorrow? Just you and me! No pansies allowed!”

Shelly’s face lit up. Her grandfather never spent any one on one time with her. “Okay!”

“Alright! It’s a date! Be ready at noon sharp! And don’t tell your parents!” At that, Marvin wheeled out of her room.

Shelly flopped back onto her bed, still smiling. She might have had two torturous weeks of grounding ahead of her, but for the first time since her brother was born, she finally felt appreciated. It was nice to be the center of somebody’s universe again, even if for a day.


	11. Snacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send a word and I will write a drabble or headcanon based on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Snacks
> 
> Takes place just before the events of "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

“Why did you have to drag me to this stupid place? I told you, my mouth hurts and I don’t want anybody to see me like this!” Shelly gritted her teeth in anger. Her new braces that the orthodontist applied just yesterday glinted in the light.

“Tonight is family night, Shelly,” her mother explained patiently, as the Marsh family entered the Bijou and joined the line at the snack bar. “And we thought that you could use some cheering up. I know that you’re having trouble adjusting to your… uh, appliance.”

“I CAN ADJUST TO MY STUPID ‘APPLIANCE’ IN MY ROOM! FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS!”

“Enough, Shelly!” Sharon looked embarrassed at the scene her daughter was creating. “We’re going to have a nice evening as a family! Now what do you want to order?”

“I want popcorn. Extra butter.”

“Shelly, no! You know that’s one of the forbidden foods!”

Disappointment flickered across Shelly’s face. What was the point of going to the movies without popcorn? “Ugh, FINE. I’ll have some Milk Duds.”

“No, Shelly. You can’t have anything sticky like that.”

“Some Heath Bar Bites!”

Her mother simply shook her head.

“GAAH!” Shelly turned to Stan and punched him on the arm. “Can I have some Sour Patch Kids?” she asked, over her brother’s cries of pain.

“I’m sorry, sweetie.” Her mother looked apologetic. “But gummies and braces just don’t mix.”

Shelly sighed in defeat. It was going to be a long two years.

“… I’ll just have a Coke.”


	12. Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send a word and I will write a drabble or headcanon based on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Garden
> 
> Takes place sometime between "Tegridy Farms Halloween Special" and "Season Finale".
> 
> Can I just take a second to rant about the huge missed opportunity for Shelly and Stan's relationship to have developed during Season 23?
> 
> Finally, a fun and relevant fact: marijuana can technically be considered a vegetable.

“Shelly! Daddy needs you and Stanley to help me in the vegetable garden!” Randy burst into her bedroom.

Shelly groaned at the intrusion and threw her book down. “We don’t even have a vegetable garden!” It was just fields and fields of marijuana.

“We do now! Come on!”

“NO!” Shelly stood her ground. “I’m not getting involved in your bullshit this time!”

“Oh. Okay. You do what you want.” Shelly rolled her eyes at her dad’s attempt to play it cool and waited for the catch. “I don’t REALLY need your help. But then you don’t REALLY need your phone. It would be a shame if somebody confiscated it.”

“UGH!” Shelly stomped out of her room and followed her father outside, where her brother, whose expression matched hers, was already waiting for them at Randy’s “vegetable garden”. At the sight, Shelly nearly turned on her heel and walked off until she remembered her dad’s threat. Sighing, she reluctantly approached the patch of land.

“Dad, this isn’t a vegetable garden!” Stan protested. “It’s just more weed!”

“Marijuana is technically a vegetable, Stanley!” Randy countered. His kids wore matching skeptical expressions. “IT IS!” He defended. “Look!” Randy exclaimed, pulling out his phone.

“Okay, okay! We believe you, Dad!” Stan replied hastily.

“Alright you two, get to weeding. But only get rid of the weeds and not the weed!” Randy looked pointedly at his daughter. “I’ll be blazing in the barn with Towelie if you need anything.”

The siblings begrudgingly got to work. They weeded quietly for awhile until a bored Stan got tired of the silence. “So. Uh. What did Dad threaten to take from you if you didn’t help?”

Shelly nearly jumped. It wasn’t often that her brother engaged in casual conversation with her. _Probably because he’s terrified of me_ , she thought guiltily.

“My phone. You?”

“My Xbox.”

“Ah.” The two continued to work silently.

“S-shelly?” Stan stammered.

Shelly sighed. “What is it, turd?”

“I - well. I just wanted to tell you. What you did to Dad’s Halloween special? That was pretty awesome.”

Shelly tried to hide her surprise. “Yeah, well look where it got me,” she said bitterly. "I spent the night in jail and Dad never even thanked me for saving his ass.“ She failed to mention how badly her father’s "fat bitchy angel” remark stung.

“Yeah, but it was pretty funny watching all of the adults trip balls. You should have seen what Kyle’s dad was doing. I wish I had the guts to sabotage one of Dad’s biggest products.”

Shelly would have never admitted it in a million years, but her brother’s words felt good. It wasn’t often that she was complimented. “Yeah, well. Somebody in this stupid family needed to do something!”

The two lapsed into silence again and continued working. As Shelly watched her brother, she gathered all of her willpower and spoke up.

“Hey, turd?”

“Yeah?” Unlike Shelly, Stan didn’t even bother to mask his surprise.

“That song that you and your stupid band did? The one about the farm? It was kind of awesome.”

Stan’s face lit up. “Really?”

That smile on Stan’s face was slowly breaking down her walls. _What’s wrong with me? Why does praising the turd actually feel… good?_

Shelly tried as hard as she could to retain her tough exterior. “Don’t let it go to your head, turd! As far as I’m concerned, you’re a one hit wonder!”

Stan didn’t bother disputing this. He didn’t want to rock the boat.

The siblings lapsed back into silence. But for the first time in Stan’s life, it was a comfortable silence.


	13. Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send a word and I will write a drabble or headcanon based on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Job
> 
> Takes place during "Cat Orgy"

Shelly exited her parents’ car without saying goodbye. She could hear her stupid brother pleading to be dropped off here instead of being dragged to Mr. Mackey’s party.

_I can’t believe they fell for my stupid excuse,_ she thought _._ Shelly couldn’t risk having her brother tagging along tonight. The fat turd knowing about Skyler was one thing. But Stan lived with her and could spill the beans at any time. Luckily, her mom and dad bought her story that Eric was being punished and couldn’t have any friends over under any circumstances.

Shelly crossed the Cartmans’ front porch and knocked on the door. To say that she wasn’t looking forward to tonight was an understatement. The fat turd was by far the most annoying of her brother’s friends. His voice was like nails on a chalkboard. The only reason she accepted the job was because it was finally an opportunity for her to spend time with her boyfriend.

Liane opened the door. Shelly looked at the amount of cleavage that she was showing off with disgust. _She’s way too old to dress like that!_

“Hello, Shelly! Come on in!” the woman greeted warmly.

Shelly followed Ms. Cartman into the house, looking at the photos on the walls of the fat turd’s even fatter relatives with revulsion.

Her mind wandered as Liane prattled on about Eric’s snookie time and little woogums and tummy rub rubs. The Cartmans’ horny cat wailed in the background.

Ms. Cartman’s next statement nearly caused Shelly to turn tail and run.

“And make sure he wipes good after he makes bears!”

She couldn’t do this. All of the money in the world wouldn’t be enough for her to lower herself to… THAT.

Then she remembered why she was doing this in the first place. _I can’t let Skyler down_ , she thought resignedly.

Shelly found her voice. “Bears?”

_This guy had better be worth it!_


	14. Sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send a word and I will write a drabble or headcanon based on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Sunlight
> 
> Takes place during "Over Logging". I'm operating under the assumption that Shelly and Amir never exchanged photos.

“Can’t you all see that I’m in pain?! Nobody understands pure love! Amir and I are closer than anybody in this stupid family!”

Shelly angrily ran away from her family. They just didn’t get it! Amir was her entire world! Nobody understood her they way he did. She was determined to stay loyal to him no matter…

_Oh my God, that guy is gorgeous!_

The cutest boy she had ever seen was standing in line waiting to use the internet. He had tawny skin, shiny black hair, and beautiful dark brown eyes framed by luscious lashes. He was clad in baggy jeans and a white t-shirt. The sunlight beat down and illuminated him, making him appear ethereal.

Shelly actually felt her heart skip a beat. She had never felt this way around Skyler. She thought that the sensation that flooded throughout her only happened in books. The boy caught her eye and she quickly turned away, feeling her cheeks heat up.

_I feel… weird. I must have gotten too much sun_.

She then remembered Amir and shook herself. _I have a boyfriend! I can’t be checking out other guys!_

Nevertheless, she couldn’t resist sneaking another peek.


	15. Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Write a drabble of a time they were really sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during "Tegridy Farms Halloween Special"
> 
> Can I just say how much it irritates me when this fandom acts as if Stan has the worst daddy issues ever when he doesn't even have the worst daddy issues in his household?

“I DON’T CARE IF EGYPTIANS USED STUPID POT!”

Shelly stormed away from her father, her eyes stinging. She ignored his feeble attempts to call out to her and bolted into the ladies room, locking herself in a stall.

_I’m so stupid. I should have known that he didn’t actually want to spend time with me. He hasn’t shown any interest in me in nearly fourteen years. Why would he start now?_

_I don’t need him anyways_ , she thought, as the tears that she had been holding in finally spilled down her cheeks.


	16. Excitement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send a feeling/emotion and my muse will talk about a memory or a time involving it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Excitement
> 
> Takes place during "#REHASH"

Shelly fidgeted impatiently in her seat, waiting for Iggy Azalea to finish her performance. She didn’t give two shits about that skank. She was here for the Queen and the Queen only.

There were very few media personalities (let alone real people) that Shelly felt any sort of connection to. Sure, she had her favorite singers and drooled over Hollywood heartthrobs like the rest of her friends. But it all felt hollow. None of them really spoke to her on a spiritual level. Until now.

“And now, give it up for the girl from New Zealand! LORDE!”

Shelly unabashedly screamed with her friends as her idol walked onto the stage. She didn’t care if she looked like one of those annoying “stans” that she often derided. Lorde was worth it.

“This is for all the royals out there!”

_This is the best day of my life,_ Shelly thought, as Lorde picked up her guitar and began to strum.


	17. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send a word and I will write a drabble or headcanon based on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Kiss
> 
> Takes place just after the events of “The Ring.” Kenny has already resurrected after his syphilis death.
> 
> My characterization of Kevin is based off that of multipark/kevcormick, which is the most endearing portrayal of Kevin that I've ever seen. Find them on Tumblr.

"I jus' can't believe it, Shells! There's no way that happened! He's jus' a kid!"

Shelly listened to her uncharacteristically agitated (when sober) friend vent as the two teens sat on her front stoop. She wasn't used to this role reversal. Usually, she was the one ranting and raving while Kevin quietly listened.

"It has to be a lie, right? Somebody's prankin' me!"

Gossip from the Pre-K to sixth grade part of South Park Elementary didn't normally reach the seventh and eighth grade wing of the school. However, this was an unusually juicy rumor and even the teenage inhabitants of the school were abuzz. It's wasn't every day that a fourth grade boy received a blow job.

"I ain't gonna listen to the guys callin' Kenny a stud no more! Next person who says something is gonna get a boot up their ass! I ain't gonna let them talk about my kid brother like that! He's too young for that shit!"

Shelly quirked an eyebrow. "Can I ask you something, turd?"

"What?"

"Are you REALLY upset that Kenny got a BJ at nine years old or are you just mad that he got one before you did?"

Kevin's face reddened at that. "W- well I'm the older one! I'm s'posed to be doin' that stuff first! You know how it is, Shells! I can't even look at th' kid anymore, knowin' that he already got to third base when I ain't even kissed a girl yet!" His face turned even redder at that last sentence.

Shelly snorted. "Kisses are overrated, turd. At least your first kiss wasn't stolen by a pedo creep like mine was."

Kevin fell silent. He didn't know how to respond to that.

"Trust me, turd. Your brother might regret this one day, just like I regret getting involved with Skyler. I was so desperate and now look where I am! I wish that I could have a do over! You only get one first kiss, you know?"

Kevin finally spoke up again. "Well... who says that you can't get a do over?"

Shelly rolled her eyes. "This isn't something that you can just erase, turd."

"But this is different, Shells! That guy took advantage of you! You can still get a real first kiss from someone who cares about ya!"

"I guess. Too bad no guy wants to get a within one hundred feet of my ugly face," Shelly said bitterly.

Kevin fidgeted nervously. "What about me?"

"What do you mean?" Shelly asked curiously.

"I-i mean you need a proper first kiss. I ain't kissed anybody yet. Maybe we could... help each other out?"

Shelly considered this. Kevin was like a brother to her. In fact, she knew him even longer than she did her own turd brother. The idea of kissing him felt almost incestuous. _On the other hand, I could always use some practice in case somebody who can overlook my hideous face comes along_ , she mused to herself.

Shelly took a deep breath. "Okay."

"R-really! I mean, cool."

The two thirteen year olds slowly leaned in until their lips touched. The kiss was awkward and clumsy and slobbery. Kissing with braces was cumbersome enough, but when both participants had braces, it was particularly challenging.

Shelly made sure not to apply too much pressure to Kevin's lips and she could tell that he was attempting the same. Skyler always mashed her lips against her brackets and she didn't want Kevin to experience that pain. She struggled to keep her lips closed. She had read that it was actually very rare for braces to get locked together while kissing, but she wasn't about to take that chance.

Slowly, but surely, the two teens eventually developed a rhythm and their lips began urgently moving together in unison. What started out as a kiss was evolving into a make out session. Kevin tentatively reached up and cupped Shelly's cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and finally dared to part her lips. She felt a fluttering in her stomach.

_Where the hell did that come from?_

The two finally came up for air. They sat there for a moment in silence, breathing heavily.

If Kevin's face was red before, it was positively crimson now. "I - uh. T - thanks."

"Whatever, turd," Shelly said dismissively.

That fluttering sensation still hadn't gone away. Clearly, that chicken tetrazzini she had for lunch today wasn't agreeing with her.


	18. Dear Diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send “Dear Diary” to read a random entry of my muses diary/journal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during "Broadway Bro Down"

I think I like him. I mean, I LIKE-like him.

Last week, if somebody would have told me that I was going to catch feelings for Larry Feegan of all people, I would have either laughed at them or punched them in the face. He’s fucking fat. And a pussy crybaby vegan! I might be ugly, but I do have some standards!

I guess he’s not so much of a pussy crybaby vegan anymore, though. He’s developing an actual set of balls now. He even punched Tommy Schneider in the stomach during gym class today.

And he does have a cute smile.

I haven’t listened to any music since he sang me that song. I don’t want to get it out of my head. Nobody has ever written me a song before.

Scratch that. Somebody did write me a song before this. But this is different. Larry’s song actually came from the heart. He wasn’t trying to get me to screw him. For the first time, I feel like somebody actually gives a shit about me.

I want to see him again. And get him away from his turd parents more often. He deserves better.

Maybe I’ll take those tickets my mom offered me after all.


	19. Dear Diary II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send “Dear Diary” to read a random entry of my muses diary/journal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first sentence of this entry totally isn’t a passive-aggressive dig at Matt and Trey for not including Shelly in “You’re Getting Old/Ass Burgers” or at the fandom for forgetting that she exists in fanworks based on those episodes. Not at all :P
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not trying to minimize what Stan experienced in those episodes. Keep in mind that this is written from Shelly's POV.
> 
> Also, I uploaded two chapters today, so don't forget to read the previous one.

They’re my fucking parents too!

It’s always about HIM. I actually heard somebody at school say “Did you hear that Stan Marsh’s parents are divorcing?” Why the fuck are seventh and eighth graders even talking about the turd? It’s not like they’ve gone to school with me since preschool or anything!

Dad sat the turd down in his room and had a 45 minute conversation with him before he left. All of the usual “We still love you” and “This isn’t your fault” shit. I know that Dad doesn’t love me. He never even had visitation with me the last time they divorced, so I wasn’t expecting him to say anything to me or even to say goodbye to me when we left, but I did assume that Mom would have some kind of talk with me. Well, I’m still fucking waiting!

Now I’m stuck in this crappy house with a bedroom that’s the same size as my closet back home. I have no privacy. I can hear everything through the stupid walls and now all three of us have to share a bathroom.

Mom’s always hovering around the turd. “Are you okay, Stanley?” “I made you some waffles, Stanley!” MAYBE I WANTED SOME FUCKING WAFFLES TOO, MOM!

I can’t even talk to anyone about this! Kelly and Stacy and everyone else are too wrapped up in boys and music and stupid crap as usual. Kevin has his own issues to deal with at home. Mom and Dad don’t remember that I exist. Grandpa doesn’t know who I am anymore. Amir stopped talking to me after he saw my ugly face.

I want to kick the fucking turd’s teeth in every time I see his stupid moping face! I know why he’s acting like this. Big fucking deal, you turned ten! YOU’RE NOT FUCKING SPECIAL! I’ve been seeing the world as shit for years! Welcome to the club, turd!

Maybe I should stop being angry and start acting like an emo pussy and wallowing around like a stupid turd instead! Then I might actually get some fucking attention!


	20. Dear Diary III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send “Dear Diary” to read a random entry of my muses diary/journal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during "Scott Tenorman Must Die" 
> 
> Shout out to proudtobeatenorrman on Tumblr, who requested this. I'm happy to finally dabble in our crack ship, as one-sided as it may be.
> 
> Note: I prefer go by "Cat Orgy" to determine Shelly's age, rather than "Cash for Gold". Therefore, she's four years older than Stan and is already 13 here.

**Monday**

I'm torn. That fat turd did me a huge favor when he helped me get back at Skyler. But at the same time, it's fucking hilarious that Scott Tenorman sold him his pubes. What a stupid turd! His mom must have done too much crack when she was pregnant with him.

Scott's not bad looking for ginger. And his braces are way nicer than mine are.

**Tuesday**

Okay, I think that I need to have a little "talk" with Scott, if you catch my drift. Selling Eric his pubes was funny, but having him go all the way to Fort Collins is too fucking far. The fat turd is annoying, but I don't want anything to happen to the person who helped me get back at that pedo creep Skyler.

Looks like it's time for a sequel to the ass kicking I gave Scott back in the third grade.

**Wednesday**

Scott Tenorman is such a turd!

I went over to his house after school to threaten him into - I mean, talk to him about laying off of Eric. He kept giving me this stupid smirk. I wanted to punch him so bad, but I couldn't bring myself to hit him for some reason.

I kept screaming at him and he kept getting in my face just to fuck with me. At one point, he was so close that we could have kissed. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if his mom hadn't called him in to take out the trash.

Not like I wanted to kiss him or anything. And not like he would want to kiss somebody who looks like me.

**Thursday**

I missed the fucking show!

I had detention today and missed everything! Stacy told me that a bunch of kids were downtown watching this interview with Radiohead and then a clip of the fat turd dancing and singing and oinking like a pig came up on the screen! I don't care how much he helped me that time. This is the funniest shit ever and I missed it because Tommy Schneider's stupid face got in the way of my fist!

I bet Scott pissed himself laughing at this. He has a cute laugh.

**Friday**

That ninth grader in the blue beanie came over and asked me for my pubes today. I punched him in the stomach.

**Saturday**

I just got invited to some stupid carnival at the fat turd's house today. I couldn't go even if I wanted to, because that pussy Tommy's parents threatened to press charges if I kicked his ass again. Now I'm grounded. This stupid carnival isn't even worth sneaking out for.

I wonder if Scott is going to crash the party.

**Sunday**

ERIC CARTMAN IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!


	21. Stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What can I say, Marsh? I have masochistic tendencies. And your sadism is pretty hot. I mean, for a thirteen year old." Not based on any prompts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly suggest that you read the previous chapter before you read this one. This chapter also mentions an event that occurred in Chapter 9/Childhood Memory II.
> 
> Once again, a reminder that I use "Cat Orgy" to determine Shelly's age, making her four years older than Stan and therefore not much younger than Scott at all.
> 
> My characterization of Scott is based on that of proudtobeatenorrman on Tumblr, who portrays him on the creepy side.
> 
> Takes place during "Scott Tenorman Must Die"

Shelly was not looking forward to this. At all.

She wasn't scared of Scott Tenorman by any means. That ass kicking she gave him five years ago was proof of that. However, she wasn't exactly comfortable letting her guard down either.

_The fat turd did do me a huge favor. Might as well square up,_ Shelly mused, as she approached the ninth grader's house. She sighed and pounded on the door.

The door opened to reveal the ginger that she was looking for. A hint of surprise crossed his face before it settled into a smirk.

"Marsh? To what do I owe this honor?"

Shelly rolled her eyes at his smarmy tone. "I wanted to talk to you about all of this Eric Cartman bullshit."

Scott sneered. "Oh, him. Pretty funny, huh?"

"I mean, it was at first. But why the hell did you send him all the way to Fort Collins? Something really bad could have happened to him!"

The older teen raised an eyebrow at the younger one. "Why do you even care?"

"I-i don't!" Shelly stammered. "But the fat turd helped me out once and I don't want him to get fucked over by the likes of you!" She jammed a finger into his chest.

Scott calmly covered her hand with his and pushed it away. Shelly flushed a bit at the contact.

"You think this is a game, turd? I kicked your ass once, I'll do it again!"

To her surprise and fury, Scott seemed unfazed by this. "Oh, yeah. I remember that. You were what, eight years old?" He snickered. "You've grown, like, a centimeter since then."

Shelly felt her blood boil. Her short stature was one of the many things that she was insecure about. "Are you suicidal, turd? I'm going to fuck you up!"

Scott leaned forward and got into her face. "Okay, hit me."

"I will!" Shelly balled a fist and prepared to swing.

Scott stood there calmly, almost as if he was anticipating the punch. This threw her for a loop and pissed her off even more. "Why the hell are you just standing there, turd?!"

Scott smiled and leaned in even further. His braces (which, she noted, were much more attractive than hers were) gleamed in the light. "What can I say, Marsh? I have masochistic tendencies. And your sadism is pretty hot. I mean, for a thirteen year old."

Shelly tried to ignore the heart palpitations that she was suddenly experiencing. "What the hell - are you fucking with me?! Do you seriously think that I'm not going to fucking waste you?"

Scott grinned and got into her face even more. "You tell me."

Shelly felt her breath hitch in her throat. Their noses were practically touching. Scott's smug expression was slowly fading. Despite herself, she couldn't help being captivated by his intense stare.

She stared right back, her icy blue eyes boring into his fiery brown ones. Time seemed to grind to a halt. All of their surroundings faded. It was just the two of them.

"Scott!" A feminine voice cut through the silence.

Scott stumbled and sprang backwards. His face turned the same color as his hair.

A busty woman appeared at the front door. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you had a visitor," she said apologetically. "Scotty, I need you to take out the trash. Then you can get back to your little girlfriend."

Scott's face turned even redder. Shelly was sure that her face matched his.

"Coming Mom," he mumbled, still blushing.

"I - I gotta go!" Shelly stuttered. She turned and raced to the sidewalk, her face flaming. She bolted up the street as fast as she could.

Shelly slowed to catch her breath once she approached her own house.

She had no idea what had just transpired. But she found herself hoping to be pulled into Scott's orbit again.

He was a charmer, that Scott Tenorman.


	22. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: send me an age, and I’ll write a drabble about my muse at that point in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to finally have the opportunity to write future Shelly! Hopefully, I've done her justice.

Shelly sat at her vanity, meticulously applying her eye makeup. Chad, her current boyfriend, was taking her to Buca de Faggoncini for her birthday.

She had declined her mother’s offer of a Sweet Sixteen party. While Shelly had changed tremendously both physically and emotionally over the past couple of years, her misanthropic tendencies still lingered. The list of people she could tolerate for more than a few minutes might have grown a bit, but it still remained very short.

There was also the elephant in the room that was her dad. She knew that any gathering hosted by her parents would end in humiliation.

“SHELLY!”

Speak of the devil. Randy burst into her bedroom with his usual dramatic flair. The commotion nearly caused Shelly to blind herself with her mascara wand.

“OW! WHAT THE HELL, DAD?!”

“SHELLY! It’s time to come downstairs! Your birthday present is here!”

She rolled her eyes in irritation. “I already opened my presents this morning!” Shelly, who was notoriously hard to shop for, had received a bevy of gift cards and cash earlier in the day. She had managed to successfully hide her disappointment at the lack of a certain item on her wishlist.

“There’s still one more! Come on!” Randy rushed out of her room.

Shelly was curious in spite of herself. Frankly, she was surprised that her father had even remembered her birthday. She followed him downstairs.

“It’s outside! Come on!”

Her curiosity piquing even more, Shelly followed Randy outside to the driveway, where her mother and brother were waiting.

She was greeted by an unfamiliar blue monstrosity of a vehicle. It was ancient. It was boxy. It looked like something her grandfather would have driven.

It was _hers!_

“Do you like it?” Randy asked. He looked uncharacteristically nervous. ”If you don’t like it, we can always - oof!”

He was tackled around the midsection by his ecstatic daughter.

“OHMIGOD, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!”

Randy didn’t even try to hide his surprise. He couldn’t remember the last time Shelly had voluntarily hugged him (and he couldn’t remember the last time he had hugged her, much to his shame).

Shelly beamed from ear to ear, showing off her now perfect teeth. “This is awesome! I need to call Chad! I’m going to drive us on our date tonight!”

“You really like it?”

Shelly looked at her father. He was showing a vulnerable side that she had never seen from him before. As much as she tried to fight it, he was tugging at her heart strings.

Shelly struggled to keep her emotions in check after her uncharacteristically joyful outburst. “Of course I like it!” she said gruffly. “It will get me away from this stupid family more often!”

“Yeah, well, I better not find out that you’ve been parking this thing at Stark’s Pond!”

“OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT! GROSS!”

Sharon and Stan exchanged a bemused look. It didn’t take Randy and Shelly long to devolve back into their normal relationship.

Shelly rushed inside to call her boyfriend. She took one last glance at her new car.

A devilish smirk appeared on her face.

_I bet this thing has a huge back seat!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get that Randy is a pretty polarizing figure right now and I also believe that his blatant favoritism towards Stan and disregard for Shelly is part of the reason she acts the way she does. However, I do believe that he's unfairly demonized in fanfic, so I decided to throw him a tiny bone.


	23. Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: send me an age, and I’ll write a drabble about my muse at that point in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter references the events of Chapter 17/Kiss
> 
> I uploaded two chapters today, so don't forget to read the previous one.

Shelly woke up with a splitting headache.

She had never experienced anything quite like this. Normally, she drank just enough to get a pleasant buzz going and never allowed herself to get shitfaced. The last thing the world needed was another Randy Marsh. However, last night was a special occasion and she couldn’t help but overindulge. She only had one twenty-first birthday, after all.

Shelly’s mind wandered to the events of last night. Her roommates had surprised her with an outing to Social, one of the best bars in Fort Collins. Kevin had even made the trip from South Park in his rickety pickup to celebrate with her. She remembered pounding music, flowing cocktails, and killer potato wedges. Everything else was a blur.

Shelly was so consumed with her thoughts that she failed to realize that she wasn’t alone in her bed.

And she was very, very naked.

She bolted upright upon noticing the snoring lump next to her, his head buried under her comforter. She was currently between boyfriends and while she had a lot of notches on her bedpost, one night stands weren’t her style.

Shelly’s stomach lurched as she saw the empty condom wrapper on her bedside table. She braced herself and peeled the covers off of the guy, who was snoring so loudly that the windows rattled.

She found herself face to face with Kevin McCormick.

Shelly’s stomach lurched again. Kevin. Her best friend in the world, the boy she had known since they were in diapers. The person who had seen her at her very worst. The guy who often felt more like a brother than her actual brother did, who had remained by her side even as she left South Park to attend Colorado State University.

Shelly tried not to panic. This wasn’t the first less than platonic moment that the two had shared. She thought back to the time they had kissed when they were thirteen. Their friendship had survived that, so surely things wouldn’t change after today? They were adults now.

 _No, that was completely different_ , Shelly thought. The only bodily fluid they had shared back then was spit. And they weren’t as naked as jaybirds.

Shelly tried to stop herself from hyperventilating. She could handle this. She was twenty one now, a grown woman. She was experienced.

Even if things were never the same between her and Kevin, she would be just fine. She wasn’t the lonely and perma-scowling thirteen year old that she used to be. She might end up losing a literal lifelong friend, but she had plenty of other friends and a long line of suitors.

Shelly felt the contents of her stomach rise up in her throat. She grabbed for the wastebasket next to her bed.

_I’m totally okay with this. Really!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, Shelly and Kevin were equally wasted, so nobody was taken advantage of. And Social is a real bar in Fort Collins.


	24. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: send me an age, and I'll write a drabble about my muse at that point in life.

“Shelly Marsh, report to the principal’s office immediately.”

Shelly groaned upon hearing the crackle of the intercom. She had no idea why she was being called out of class. It had been an entire week since she had gotten into a fight!

Sighing heavily, the second grader walked the all too familiar route to Principal Victoria’s office.

“I swear, I didn’t do anything this time! I don’t know how Tommy Schneider got that bloody nose!” Shelly protested as she opened the door.

Her eyes fell on a familiar figure sitting in her usual seat.

“What is HE doing here?”

Shelly was shocked to see her little brother, who had recently started his first year of preschool, sitting in the office. He was sniffling and his eyes were red.

Shelly smirked. “Ooh, you’re in trouble, turd!” Stan burst into fresh tears at his sister’s words.

“Shelly Marsh! You watch your language, young lady!” Principal Victoria admonished.

Shelly rolled her eyes.

“Stanley had an asthma attack today,” the principal informed her.

“So?” Shelly scoffed. The turd had asthma attacks plenty of times. She didn’t understand why Principal Victoria had to make a federal case out of it.

The administrator raised an eyebrow at the girl’s callousness. “So?! Asthma attacks are very hard on little bodies, boy howdy! Your brother is very shaken up!”

“Okay…” Shelly wasn’t sure where the woman was going with this. “Can I go now?” It was almost time for gym and they were playing dodgeball today. Shelly always looked forward to dodgeball day.

“You are going to stay put right here, missy! Stanley needs a familiar face to comfort him until your parents get here to pick him up!”

“UGH!” Her turd brother ruined everything! Even dodgeball day!

Shelly sent her brother a death glare. He was so pathetic, with his big blue teary eyes and his too big poofball hat.

He also looked scared. And for once, she wasn’t the cause.

Stan was trembling. Shelly had no idea why he was acting like this. It’s not as if this was his first asthma attack. Whenever he had an episode, their mother was always there to administer Stan’s inhaler and a hug.

Oh.

Shelly was starting to get it. The turd was a wussy momma’s boy. And he was still getting used to being away from their mom during the course of the day. Of course he would freak out like a total wimp without her there.

_And I guess it’s pretty scary not being able to breathe_ , she thought to herself.

Shelly shook herself. The turd got enough attention at home. He didn’t need her pity.

She couldn’t take this anymore.

“STOP CRYING, TURD! You’re going to be four next month! You don’t want everybody to think that you’re a baby, do you?”

Stan’s tears dried up immediately. He was a big boy now! Big boys didn’t cry!

“That’s what I thought,” Shelly said threateningly. She sat back, satisfied.

_Asthma can kick rocks! Only I get to make him cry!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might have noticed that I have mentioned a Tommy Schneider several times throughout this fic. He's actually a canon (yet unseen) character! His Bar Mitzvah was mentioned in the episode "Hummels and Heroin", which makes him at least 13 and possibly one of Shelly's peers. So I decided to make the poor kid Shelly's personal punching bag when the occasion arises.


	25. Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: send me an age, and I’ll write a drabble about my muse at that point in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing post-college age Shelly ended up being more challenging than I thought, but this provided an opportunity to elaborate a bit on some of my headcanons for future Shelly. And lo and behold, this ended up being much longer than my usual one shots, though it’s less about Shelly at 27 and more about Shelly from 12 to 27.
> 
> Feedback on this chapter would be especially appreciated.

Okay, _maybe_ she was being a bit of a Bridezilla.

But how the hell did everybody expect her to react when the florist delivered hot pink flowers to the church? She had specifically requested paradise pink!

Okay, _maybe_ she had gone too far when she grabbed the deliveryman by his collar and threatened to turn his face into a Jackson Pollock painting. But this was her day, dammit!

And truth be told, she had never thought that this day would even come.

Shelly’s mind wandered as she applied her makeup.

Her early adolescence had been the most miserable period in her life. Not only did she have to deal with the woes of puberty, she had to deal with the woes of puberty while wearing a metal monstrosity around her face.

Shelly had been temperamental since birth, but her new headgear had caused her anger to spike to dangerous levels. Her face bore a permanent scowl and she didn’t even bother fixing her hair or wearing cute clothes. As far as she was concerned, it was like putting lipstick on a pig.

She cried herself to sleep sometimes, long after her family had retired for the night. She had convinced herself that she was a hideous monster who would die alone.

Shelly’s headgear and braces were removed three days before she started her freshman year at Park County High.

She vividly remembered stepping onto the bus on the first day of school. The chattering teens fell silent when they caught a glimpse of her.

She didn’t see what the big deal was. So her headgear was gone! So she had run a brush through her hair, applied a bit of mascara and lipgloss, and chose a more flattering outfit! She was still the same girl that kicked their asses on the playground during their time at South Park Elementary.

Or so she thought.

Shelly was asked out by a sophomore from Middle Park before the day had even ended. Before long, one boyfriend had turned into two and then three and soon she stopped counting. She had officially become a bona fide serial monogamist by the end of ninth grade.

None of her relationships lasted more than three months. And she was always the one who broke it off. Shelly Marsh vowed that she would never be dumped again.

Shelly didn’t slow down once she entered college. In fact, she doubled down. She was surrounded by more guys than ever before. Colorado State University was a buffet and she was Eric Cartman.

During her senior year of college, Shelly was hit with a few harsh realizations.

Serial dating had become stagnant. She always felt like she was going through the motions. Why was she doing this? Was it lingering self-esteem issues? Daddy issues? Fear of commitment? Did she just enjoy the attention?

A horrifying image of herself as a little old lady bed hopping with every single geezer at her retirement home who still had a pulse popped into her head

Shelly vowed to swear off of men until after graduation. It was time to focus on herself.

She lasted about a week.

She tried. She really did. But his charming smile and twinkling eyes pulled her in. He was charismatic and funny. They spent hours engaged in deep conversation.

Three months had passed before she knew it. But the couple soldiered on. Three months turned into six months and then a year and then two years.

He proposed to her on their third anniversary as a couple. She accepted.

Shelly wasn’t planning on having a wedding at first. She was perfectly content to elope or make a trip to city hall. Weddings just weren’t her thing. They involved actually being around people, for one. Shelly might have changed over the years, but she was still a misanthrope at heart.

Her mom was devastated. She had dreamed of planning her daughter’s wedding since she had found out that she was carrying a girl. She wasted no time putting on the mother of all guilt trips:

_“I guess I can just save Aunt Flo’s antique pin for another occasion. Too bad, it would have been perfect for both your something old and your something borrowed.”_

_“Your father called me crying today! He was looking forward to giving his only daughter away on her wedding day! Oh, well.”_

_“Your Uncle Jimbo isn’t doing so well, Shelly. I bet that seeing his niece walk down the aisle would mean a lot to him.”_

Shelly finally cracked when her parents offered to foot the entire bill for a traditional wedding.

She soon discovered that she enjoyed wedding planning. Trying on dresses, picking out flowers, and choosing music for the ceremony and reception was surprisingly fun. It didn’t even bother her (much) that a huge chunk of the guest list was made up of the same South Park yokels who had watched her grow up. Shelly found herself caught up in Wedding Fever. She was counting the days until the big event.

And now it was here.

Shelly’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Shelly, it’s almost time!” Sharon called.

Shelly gathered herself and exited the green room.

“Sweetie, you look beautiful!” Sharon exclaimed.

Excitement was bubbling inside of her. Today was the first day of the rest of her life. She was a changed woman.

Shelly did a double take as she caught a glimpse of Liane Cartman exiting the ladies room.

_She was wearing a white dress!_

Shelly growled. She felt her face heat up. SHE was the only one who was allowed to wear white today!

“I’m going to curb stomp that bitch!” she bellowed. She stormed over to the woman as fast as she could in her high heels.

Okay, maybe she hadn’t changed _that_ much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is Shelly marrying? Is is Kevin McCormick? Amir? Scott Tenorman? Officer Barbrady?
> 
> I left it ambiguous on purpose. You can choose whoever you want, whether it's a named character or OC. But not Skyler. Gross.


	26. Larry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me a (spade emoji) and I’ll write a short drabble from the point of view of someone from my muse’s past

“Cancer, heart disease, drowning, all preventable with a vegan diet and a life jacket! And if people want to say us vegans are silly, well they can just laugh all they want, because being vegan is more important than being popular!”

“Maybe you should let your son decide that for himself.”

Larry’s fork clattered onto the table. He nearly choked on his dinner. Somebody was actually standing up for him. And that somebody was Shelly Marsh. The same Shelly Marsh who terrified every single kid in South Park, from preschool to twelfth grade. The same Shelly Marsh who had just the other day pushed him off the diving board in a fit of rage. Foaming at the mouth, permanently scowling Shelly Marsh.

“He does decide for himself! Larry’s been a vegan since he was born!”

Larry wanted to hear more. He discreetly motioned to Shelly to continue. She obliged.

“Maybe if Larry had a nice steak once in a while he wouldn’t get beat up by every kid in school.”

Larry felt his heart soar. For the first time ever, somebody was actually treating him like he was more than pond scum. His heart thumped in his chest as he continued to watch Shelly argue with his parents. That spark of rage in her ice blue eyes that usually sent him running for the hills was now inspiring him.

He wanted to do better. For her. Right then and there, Larry Feegan vowed that he would never be a doormat again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have an index of the chapters in chronological order in the intro chapter, just in case you're looking for something from a particular time period


	27. Amir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me a (spade emoji) and I'll write a short drabble from the point of view of someone from my muse's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this a companion piece to Chapter 14/Sunlight
> 
> This is the second chapter I uploaded today, so don't forget to check out the previous

There was that girl again.

Amir had no idea why he was so drawn to her. She wore one of those dental headgear things, the kind that most people only wore at night. Her caramel brown hair was a mess. Her face was contorted in an angry glare. He had seen her wail on some little kid in a red and blue poofball hat like a punching bag earlier in the day.

Maybe it was her eyes. She had the most intense gaze that he had ever seen. Or maybe it was the energy she radiated. Amir could tell that he was looking at a deeply insecure and lonely person. He supposed he could relate. He stuck out like a sore thumb in his shithole Montana town, a speck of brown in a sea of white. He was forced to endure the taunts of “terrorist” and “goat fucker” every day at school. Shelly, his online girlfriend, was his only reprieve from his misery.

Amir was suddenly hit with a pang of guilt. He really shouldn’t be obsessing over this mystery girl. He had Shelly. He didn’t need this girl.


	28. Eric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me a (spade emoji) and I'll write a short drabble from the point of view of someone from my muse's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess that Cartman is technically part of her present, since he’s still around and not dead or in Montana, but my options are pretty limited and I’m definitely not writing from Skyler’s POV. And I've been wanting to feature Cartman in one of these oneshots anyways.

Eric kicked himself for leaving his camera inside.

The look on that stupid bitch’s face when that asshole dumped her was fucking priceless. He totally would have started jacking off if he was older.

Eric gleefully danced into the living room. The ugly skank was on the couch crying her eyes out.

“Shelly, guess who’s busted!”

Shelly ignored him and kept sobbing, which was really starting to piss him off.

“’AY! I said guess who’s busted!”

Eric was incredulous. The bitch was acting like he wasn’t even there!

“You’re not going to trick me, I’ve got the goods on you!”

Eric was giddy with excitement. Shelly was not only going to get in trouble for breaking his mom’s rules, she was also going to get busted by her parents for having a gross older boyfriend. She would totally be grounded for at least three days for that one.

Shelly finally noticed him. “I don’t care.”

She didn’t care? She didn’t CARE?! What was the fun of getting the skank in trouble if she didn’t even care?

She continued to cry. “He acted like he really liked me. Nobody’s ever liked me before!”

Eric felt a strange pang in his chest.

“I can’t believe I trusted him, I’m so STUPID!”

He didn’t feel sorry for that ho! She wouldn’t let him watch Aliens and she ate all the goddamn pizza! As far as he was concerned, she could rot!

So why wasn’t that weird chest thing going away?


	29. Larry II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me a (spade emoji) and I'll write a short drabble from the point of view of someone from my muse's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I ate at a Burger King today, Shelly/And stood up to a boy who called me queer."

“Move it, queer!”

Larry was nearly shoved to the gym floor. He was used to this. He had long ago resigned himself to the fact that he was the designated punching bag of the seventh and eighth grades. He sighed and sat on the bleachers.

He caught a glimpse of Shelly Marsh across the room, involved in a heated argument with some girl. Ever since that dinner with his parents, he had been feeling a strange fluttering in his stomach every time he saw her.

Maybe his system was still getting used to that Slim Jim he ate yesterday.

He continued to watch her. Shelly was the first and only person who had ever stood up for him. He wanted to be more like her. Not so much the perpetual anger thing, but her ability to stand up to anybody who so much as looked at her funny.

Larry sent a glare towards the jerk who had just pushed him. Just who did that - that TURD think he was?

He knew what he had to do.

Larry stormed across the gymnasium, tapped the guy on the shoulder, and sent his fist into his gut.

The kid doubled over in pain, unblocking Larry’s view of Shelly. She was gaping at him, along with the rest of the class.

He could have sworn that he saw the ghost of a smile on her face.


	30. Milestone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me “Milestones” and I’ll write a drabble about my muse’s first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place sometime during Season 1

_I can’t believe this! Of all the times for Aunt Flo to break her stupid hip!_

Shelly reluctantly made her way downstairs. She REALLY didn’t want to do this, but what other choice did she have?

 _Thank God the turd is spending the night at the fat turd’s house_ , she thought to herself. She really didn’t want him to witness this.

Shelly found her father on the couch watching the Broncos game.

“Um, Dad?”

“Oh, come on! Stevie Wonder could have made a better call than that!”

“Dad?”

Randy finally acknowledged his daughter’s presence. “What is it, Shelly?”

“Can you drive me to the store?”

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Randy whined.

“It’s an emergency.”

“The latest issue of Tiger Beat magazine isn’t an emergency, Shelly! Run along, now. Daddy has twenty bucks riding on this game.”

“I JUST GOT MY FIRST PERIOD, OKAY?!”

“That’s nice, honey. Why don’t you - OH MY GOD!”

Randy’s face turned bright red. Then green. Then white.

He grabbed Shelly by the shoulders. “Okay, DON’T PANIC! I’ll boil some water! Wait, no. Your mom! You can just dip into her tampon stash! Problem solved!”

Shelly wasn’t ready to use… those yet. Maybe in a couple of months. But she couldn’t tell her dad that!

“She’s out! She didn’t stock up before she went to Aunt Flo’s!” Shelly lied. Much to her horror, she found herself near tears. She never used to cry, but lately everything had been setting her off. She hated herself for it.

“Okay. The store. I’ll take you to the store. Just let me get the tarp out of the garage for you to sit on.”

Shelly was horrified and humiliated at her father’s suggestion. She wasn’t going to sacrifice her dignity by sitting on that filthy, disgusting tarp! She was pretty sure that Sparky had peed on it at some point.

“GOD, JUST FORGET IT!” She turned around and bolted upstairs, locking herself in the bathroom.

* * *

Randy paced the room frantically. He had tried calling Sharon several times, only to be taken straight to voicemail. 

He heaved a sigh. His wife had warned him that this day would come, but he wasn’t ready. He had always assumed that Sharon would be around for this particular milestone. He had never been coached on how to deal with this.

And it scared him a bit that his little girl was on the cusp of being a teenager.

He couldn’t handle this. He needed a woman. Randy picked up the phone and dialed.

“SHEILA! It’s Randy! You gotta help me! My daughter! She’s having- she just got - she’s bleeding!”

“What what WHAT?! Stay put, Randy! I’ll be right over!”

Sheila arrived at the Marsh house less than a minute after hanging up with Randy, but to him it felt like an eternity.

“Did you call an ambulance yet? Where is she? How deep is the wound? How did this happen?!”

Randy was becoming overwhelmed by Sheila’s rapid fire questioning. “An ambulance? Sharon never said anything about an ambulance! She’s locked herself in the bathroom! She won’t come out!”

“But she’s still conscious? Good, that’s good! Wait a second, did you say that she’s locked herself in the bathroom?”

“Yeah! I’ve tried everything, but she won’t talk to me!”

Sheila raised an eyebrow. “How old is your daughter again?”

“She turned twelve in November!”

Sheila wore a knowing look on her face. “Oh. OH. Calm down, Randy! I’ll take care of this!”

* * *

Shelly was startled by a knock at the bathroom door.

“GO AWAY, DAD!” She was fully prepared to camp out in the bathroom until her mom came home.

“Shelly? This is Mrs. Broflovski from next door! Can I come in?”

Angry tears sprang to Shelly’s eyes. Her stupid dad was already telling the entire town about her period!

“NO!”

“Shelly Marsh, you will NOT take that tone with me, young lady! Now I know that you’re dealing with a lot right now and I know that it’s not easy when your mother isn’t around to help you through it, but that’s no excuse to take it out on everyone around you!”

Shelly stifled a laugh. This lady REALLY didn’t know her.

“Now I’m going to run home for a minute and I’ll be back with some supplies. I expect you to come out of that bathroom right away when you get yourself situated!”

Shelly felt the fury rising up inside her. Who the hell did this busybody think she was? She wasn’t her mother!

However, in spite of herself, Shelly couldn’t help but admire the woman’s commanding tone.

Okay, MAYBE she could come out when Mrs. Broflovski came back. For a minute.

* * *

Two hours later, a fatigued Shelly lay on her bed. The events of the day had taken a lot out of her. And those cramps weren’t exactly helping either.

She heard a knock at her door.

“What?” Shelly said tiredly.

Her father timidly stepped into her room. “I just wanted to - your mom said - oh, I can’t do this! Here!” 

Randy tossed a six pack of plain Hershey bars in her direction.

Shelly barely caught the candy. She shot her dad a perplexed look.

“Your mom eats chocolate by the truckload whenever she’s… you know.”

For the millionth time today, Shelly wanted to cry. But this was different. She was… touched. Her dad usually didn’t go above and beyond for her. He had even picked out a braces-friendly candy bar.

“Thanks,” Shelly muttered. She swiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand.

Randy merely nodded and stepped out of her room, shutting the door softly behind him.

* * *

Randy breathed a sigh of relief when he was a safe distance from Shelly’s room. This wasn’t so bad. He had fifteen years of experience dealing with Sharon’s Crazy Red Time, after all. He could handle this.

A horrifying thought caused Randy to stop in his tracks.

_Oh my God, what if their cycles sync up?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was never actually specified that Shelly was having her first period in “The All New Terrence and Phillip Move Trailer”, for the record.


	31. Milestone II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me "Milestones" and I'll write a drabble about my muse's first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another post-canon installment! Blizzard + quarantine = a lot of time on my hands.
> 
> For the record, I headcanon that South Park Elementary goes all the way to eighth grade, which isn't uncommon for public schools in small rural towns like South Park.

Shelly looked doubtfully at her reflection in her full length mirror. She wasn’t so sure about this. The dark wash jeans and lavender scoop neck sweater that she was sporting were much more form-fitting than she was accustomed to.

Shelly ran her tongue across her teeth, a habit that she had picked up over the past three days. She still wasn’t used to the sensation. Every time she looked in the mirror, she was shocked to see a face that was no longer marred by headgear and braces.

Her orthodontia had been removed in just the nick of time. Today, Shelly was starting her freshman year at Park County High School.

For the first time since she had started preschool, Shelly was actually somewhat looking forward to the first day of school. High school was a new beginning, a chance to start over after suffering through South Park Elementary from preschool to eighth grade - roughly an entire decade of her life. Park County High consisted of kids from South Park, Middle Park, North Park, West Park, and East Park. She could finally wash her hands of the turds that she grew up with (except for Kevin, of course) and meet some people who didn’t suck ass.

And starting school free of that horrific headgear was a nice bonus.

Shelly was seriously contemplating changing into her old clothes, the ones that hid most of her insecurities, until her mother’s voice cut through the air.

“Shelly, get a move on! You’re going to miss your bus!”

She sighed. So much for that plan. She grabbed her backpack and headed to the kitchen.

“Oh, you look so pretty and grown up, Shelly!” Sharon was getting teary. “Doesn’t she look pretty, Randy?”

Randy shot a disapproving look at her attire. “That neckline is a bit daring, isn’t it?”

“It’s fine!” Shelly snapped. Her sweater had officially just become her new favorite item of clothing.

Shelly grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and sat at the table next to her brother, who was wolfing down a stack of pancakes.

It was Sharon’s turn to shoot her daughter a disapproving look. “Is that all you’re having? At least let me make you some pancakes!”

“I’m not hungry.” While this was partly true, Shelly also relished biting into her first apple in over two years. She had taken things like this for granted when she had braces.

Shelly finished her apple, grabbed her bookbag, and walked out the door. She rolled her eyes as her mother called out a tearful goodbye.

She soon arrived at the bus stop. Kevin had beaten her there.

“Hey, Kev.”

Kevin’s eyes bugged out as Shelly entered his line of vision. His face turned an interesting shade of pink. He started sputtering.

Shelly gave him an incredulous look.

“What the hell is going on with you, turd? Have you been drinking again? Kevin, goddammit!“

“N-no,” Kevin stammered. “It’s jus’ - you - you look -”

He was interrupted by the screeching of the bus’s brakes as it pulled up.

The two friends climbed the steps of the bus and scanned it for an empty seat. Their old schoolmates from South Park Elementary buzzed with idle conversation.

As Shelly followed Kevin down the aisle, she noticed that the bus had gone eerily silent.

Every single teen on the bus was gaping at her. Shelly self-consciously slid into a seat next to Kevin.

As soon as the bus pulled away, the whispers started.

“Dude, that’s Shelly Marsh!”

“Damn, where was she hiding that bod?”

“I’ve never seen a glow up like that in real life!”

She didn’t understand the hype. She had known these turds her entire life. She had kicked their asses on the playground plenty of times. So her headgear and frumpy clothing were gone! So she had brushed her hair until it shone, dabbed on a bit of lip gloss, and borrowed her mom’s mascara! She was still the same person!

Wasn’t she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind that Sharon is apparently a MILF and Randy was attractive enough to be in a boy band, so it isn't at all unlikely for Shelly to grow up to be good looking, especially since Stan is always portrayed as an Adonis in aged up fanfic.


	32. Milestone III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me "Milestones" and I'll write a drabble about my muse's first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on a headcanon that I hold very near and dear. It's probably my favorite entry of this series thus far, so feedback would be appreciated.
> 
> Shelly is a senior in high school here.

“Is she going to sleep all day? I don’t know how much longer I can wait!”

“She didn’t get in until late last night, Randy.”

“I can’t take it anymore! I’m just going to take a quick peek!”

“No, Randy. Shelly will show it to us on her own terms.”

Sharon would have been lying if she had denied that she was just as curious as Randy was. She herself contemplated peeking, but Shelly was officially a legal adult now. She deserved her privacy.

Shelly had announced her intention to treat herself to her first tattoo for her eighteenth birthday. Frankly, Sharon was surprised that she had waited this long. She was ninety nine percent certain that her daughter possessed a fake ID. That would explain how she ended up with her navel ring. And her nose stud. And her eyebrow piercing. Shelly not getting inked earlier didn’t make a lick of sense in the grand scheme of things, but then again, she was always an enigma who marched to her own beat.

“She’s going to get one of those Mike Tyson face tattoos!” Randy had ranted to his wife. “Everybody’s going to think that she’s crazy and they’re going to think that we’re bad parents!”

Sharon had brushed off Randy’s usual hysterics as ridiculous, but she too privately worried about what her daughter was going to permanently etch onto her body.

Shelly had blossomed into a beautiful young lady over the years and she had left a long string of boyfriends in her wake. She was currently going strong with some guy named Jeremy (or was it Jared?), but knowing Shelly’s track record, he could be discarded by tomorrow. Sharon didn’t want her to come home with a tramp stamp of some boy’s name.

Randy and Sharon were finishing up lunch when Shelly finally stumbled into the kitchen. She sleepily poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Oh, thank God!” Randy exclaimed upon seeing his daughter’s tattoo-free face. “You didn’t get a tattoo after all!”

Shelly shot her father a confused look. “No, I got the tattoo.”

“Can we see it?” Sharon asked. She prayed to every deity that she could think of that the tattoo wasn’t in an “indecent” area.

Shelly rolled her eyes and pushed up her sleeve.

A simple daisy was inked on her inner wrist.

“Is - is that it?” Randy wondered.

“Yes, Dad!” Shelly growled.

“I like it!” Sharon was both sincere and pleasantly surprised. “It’s very tasteful.”

Shelly gulped down the rest of her coffee. “I need to get ready. I told my manager that I would come into work today.” She went back upstairs, leaving her mystified parents behind.

* * *

Shelly pulled a small pink leather bound diary out from under her mattress. She opened it to find a brown and crumbling daisy pressed between the pages.

Shelly had dated a lot of guys over the past few years. They made her feel pretty. They made her feel desirable.

But only one had made her feel loved.

Shelly’s relationship with Larry Feegan was among her shortest-lived (which said a lot, considering her track record), but it was far and away the most impactful and most memorable. She never wanted to forget him.

Shelly ran a finger over her new tattoo and looked at the daisy pressed between her old eighth grade diary. It would one day crumble away to nothing. There would be more boys and more men and perhaps even somebody that she would eventually settle down with for good.

But at least she could carry a small reminder of Larry everywhere she went for the rest of her life.


	33. Milestone IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me "Milestones" and I'll write a drabble about my muse's first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pre-canon installment. Shelly is three, almost four.

Chaos reigned inside of Ms. Claridge’s preschool classroom. Three-year-olds (and a few of their parents) wept as if they were going off to war. Stuart McCormick struggled valiantly to shake his wailing son off of his leg.

“I know that you’re going to be a big girl today, Shelly,” Sharon bent down to her daughter’s level as far as her nearly eight month pregnant belly would allow. “But Mommy is just a few minutes away if you need her.”

‘“Kay,” a dry-eyed Shelly answered. Her eyes lit up as she caught sight of a table loaded with art supplies. “Finger paints!” she squealed, letting go of her mother’s hand and bolting away.

“Your daughter is quite something,” Sharon turned to see Ms. Claridge approaching. “You usually don’t see too many dry eyes among the three-year-old group on the first day.”

Sharon had to blink back a few tears of her own. Was her little girl already breaking away from her?

“Bye, Shelly!” Sharon called out.

Her daughter didn’t appear to notice her.

Sharon felt a tear drip down her cheek _. It’s just the pregnancy hormones_ , she thought to herself. She dabbed at her eyes and headed out.

* * *

Both Sharon and Randy returned to South Park Elementary a few hours later to pick their daughter up. Ms. Claridge met them at the classroom door, her normally cheerful expression replaced by a grim one. Shelly stood next to her teacher, a sulky expression on her face.

“I’m afraid that I had to put your daughter in timeout for striking another student.”

“What?!” Sharon gasped. “Shelly! We don’t hit other people! What were you thinking?”

“Tommy took my cookie,” the little girl grumbled.

“Oh, he did, did he?” Randy chimed in. “Then the little asshole deserved it. Shelly was just standing up for herself!”

“RANDY!” Sharon screeched. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Claridge. You can be assured that my husband and I will have a long talk with Shelly about this. It will never happen again.”

* * *

“I can’t believe that you said that!” Sharon groused at her husband on the drive home. “You’re teaching our daughter bad habits! That it’s okay to solve problems with violence!”

“It’s important for kids to learn how to stand up for themselves, Sharon! You don’t want her to turn into a doormat, do you?”

“We need to teach Shelly to use her words instead of her fists, Randy!”

“Using words is for pussies!” Randy scoffed.

“RANDY! LANGUAGE!” At that, the couple fell silent.

After a few minutes, Sharon spoke again. “You don’t think that she’s going to hit the new baby, do you?”

Randy glanced at his daughter through the rear view mirror.

“Of course not,” he reassured his fretful wife.


	34. Ugly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me an adjective and I’ll write a drabble or headcanon for my muse based on that adjective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place just before "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

“Okay, just a few finishing touches… and we’re done!” The orthodontist stepped back and admired his handiwork.

Shelly didn’t know how to feel. She had been dreading this procedure for weeks, but at the same time, she just wanted it to be over. The two hours that she had spent in this chair were excruciating.

 _Maybe it won't be that bad_ , she mused. Kevin had gotten braces a couple of months ago and he seemed to be doing alright.

Of course, Kevin wasn’t being forced to wear headgear either.

“Would you like to take a look?” Shelly’s orthodontist held out a hand mirror.

“I guessshh.”

Shelly clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. Did that sound really just come out of her mouth? She sounded like a cartoon snake!

Shelly took the offered mirror, steeled herself, and took a peek.

And immediately burst into tears.

* * *

Shelly sulked at the dining room table and picked at her mashed potatoes, which were the only thing on tonight’s dinner menu that she could handle. Her mouth was throbbing.

 _Why did Mom have to cook steak tonight? It smells so fucking good!_ Shelly scowled at her family as they ate.

“So,” Randy’s voice broke through the awkward silence. “That new headgear. It looks - it matches your eyes.”

“Randy, for the love of Christ,” Sharon pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Why couldn’t I just get one of those clear things?!” Shelly burst out, speaking for the first time since dinner started. “I look like a freak! How am I supposed to face everybody at school looking like this?”

“We went over this already, Shelly,” her mother said gently. “Those aren’t enough to correct your overbite. But these two years will be over before you know it! You’ll have to beat the boys off with a stick one of these days!”

Shelly glared hatefully at her family in response. Her eyes settled on her brother.

Shelly seethed as she watched Stan. She hated him and his stupid perfect teeth. She had never wanted to hit anybody so badly in her life.

“Where the hell is Dad?” Randy griped. “Dad! Your steak is getting cold!”

Marvin wheeled into the dining room. “Goddammit, can’t a man try to commit suicide without being nagged by his ungrateful - what the hell is that?!” The old man exclaimed, as he caught sight of his granddaughter’s new appearance.

Shelly shoved her chair aside and ran upstairs to her bedroom, slamming the door so hard that she nearly tore it off its hinges.

Her stomach turned as she caught a glimpse of herself in her mirror. She ripped it off the wall and smashed it on the floor.

Shelly continued her rampage. Books were swept off shelves. Posters were torn to ribbons. Her radio went flying across the room.

Exhausted, Shelly finally flopped onto her bed, looking at the destruction she left in her wake.

If she had to look like a monster, she might as well act like one.


	35. Empathetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Send me an adjective and I’ll write a drabble or headcanon for my muse based on that adjective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post-canon. Shelly is 16, Stan is 12. I think that this chapter juxtaposes nicely with the previous, if I may toot my own horn.

“Why did you have to cook steak tonight? It smells so fucking good!”

“Stanley! Language!” Sharon admonished. “I normally wouldn’t have, but these were on sale and I had to cook them before they spoiled.”

Stan morosely picked at his mashed potatoes in response.

Shelly rolled her eyes at her brother. He was such a pussy.

“Why couldn’t you get me one of those clear things?” Stan whined. “These hurt and Cartman is totally going to rip on me!”

Shelly couldn’t take it anymore. “Shut up, turd! At least you don’t have to wear headgear! I would have killed to wear regular braces!”

A couple of years ago, Stan would have clammed up at this immediately, but he kept complaining.

“Kyle’s cousin was allergic to his braces! How do you know that I won’t be too? I’m going to look like a total melvin if I have to wear a mouth guard at my games! Please, Mom and Dad! You have to do something!”

Shelly couldn’t listen to this anymore. Before she knew what she was doing, she took a heaping spoonful of mashed potatoes and flung them in her brother’s face.

“Shelly Marsh!” Sharon shrieked. “You are sixteen years old! Really?!”

Shelly didn’t care how immature she looked. At least she managed to finally shut the turd up.

* * *

Later that evening, Shelly passed by Stan’s room on the way to her own. He had left his door ajar.

Shelly caught a glimpse of her brother staring sadly into his mirror. He looked near tears.

Stan didn’t have to wear headgear like she did, but the other disgusting woes of puberty had hit the poor kid like a ton of bricks overnight. His hair looked like a grease pit, his face was covered in zits, and his voice cracked with every other word. And to add insult to injury, he was the first among his friends to experience all of this.

Part of Shelly wanted to barge in and hit him. She would have taken a few zits and normal braces over headgear any day, had she had the option four years ago. However, as she watched Stan brood, an unfamiliar sensation welled inside of her.

Empathy.

Shelly softly pushed Stan’s door open.

“You’re going to need to carry some chapstick. All of the drooling will wreck your lips.”

Stan jumped a foot in the air. “S-shelly?!”

His sister stepped into the bedroom. “Did the orthodontist give you any wax? That helps with the sores on the inside of your lips.“

“Yeah, he gave me some. What are you-”

“And always carry some toenail clippers. If one of your brackets break, you can use them to clip the wire.”

Stan was gobsmacked. While Shelly had mellowed out quite a bit in the year and a half since she had lost her own braces, she was still intimidating as fuck and tended not to pay him much mind. Why was she doing this?

“I still have my old Water Pick if you need it.”

“Um, thanks. Can I ask you something?”

“Spit it out, turd.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

Shelly heaved a sigh. She hated showing this side of herself so fucking much.

“I just know how much braces suck, okay? I had to learn about all of this stuff by myself, so I figured I could give you some tips. Maybe then you’ll stop bitching so much!”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.”

Shelly fidgeted almost nervously. “I’m running to the drugstore for a couple of things. You can come with me. I mean, if you want. You’ll need to stock up on some stuff.”

Stan smiled, revealing the red and blue rubber bands that adorned his teeth. “Okay! Just let me grab my coat.”

“Consider this my one good deed for the year, turd!” Shelly called after him. “Be at my car in exactly thirty seconds!”

Shelly walked to her car, lost in thought. The poor turd was in for a rocky couple of years. Shelly actually felt sorry for him. She genuinely hoped that his pubescent years weren’t as bad as hers were.

Maybe she could fit in a second good deed this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too few authors portray the boys during their awkward stages. Just sayin'. And before the inevitable complaints that Stan is too whiny here, he has just entered the absolute worst stage of puberty. Of course he's going to be whiny. We've all been there.


	36. ric122

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PM from ric122 sockpuppet: Can you add a Shelly prompt about her taking her nephew, Sam to the zoo please? Note: Sam is Stan's son and his mother, Wendy is busy with her job. Sam's Personalty: He is best described as a mature, sensitive, liberal and an intelligent male feminist whose stubbornness sometimes gets the best of him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ric122 sent me a request and I just didn't have the heart to turn him down ^_^

Shelly shot her nephew Sam an irritated look. She was getting sick of hearing him babble about what a mature, sensitive liberal he was. She didn’t give a rat’s ass that he was an intelligent male feminist whose stubbornness sometimes got the best of him. She couldn’t stand this little turd anymore.

 _I’m going to murder Stan_ , she thought to herself. Somehow, he had managed to convince her to take Sam on a trip to the zoo instead of spending the day with her own child and husband.

Shelly scowled at the boy. Why the hell was he wearing that purple scarf? It clashed horribly with his brown and red jacket. She wanted to strangle him with it.

“Aunt Shelly, let’s go see the lions!” her nephew exclaimed, tugging at her hand.

Shelly allowed the boy to lead her to the lion exhibit.

“I can’t see!” Sam whined, jumping up and down.

“Let me give you a hand,” Shelly replied sweetly.

She lifted her nephew up to give him a better view.

And promptly threw him into the lion’s den.

 _Maybe I can bring my own family here next week_ , Shelly thought, as she walked away to the chorus of Sam’s screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Google ric122 if you're unfamiliar with him. Seriously. 
> 
> I'm sure that this goes without saying, but this is non-canon to this series.


	37. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: send a number and i’ll write a prompt about the following!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: Forgotten
> 
> Takes place during “Dead Kids”. I can’t be the only one who noticed that Sharon seemed weirdly unconcerned about Shelly in that episode, save for a brief mention at her shrink appointment?
> 
> Reminder that I headcanon South Park Elementary as a PreK-8 school, which is the only plausible explanation for Shelly still being a student there.

“Seventh and eighth graders, gather in the teachers’ parking lot!” PC Principal ordered. “None of you are to leave until a parent or guardian picks you up. If any of you even think about sneaking away, I will lose my shit!” He looked pointedly at Shelly.

Shelly rolled her eyes. It was just another school shooting. Big deal.

She scanned the parking lot, hoping to find a large enough vehicle to hide behind. She needed to take a quick hit of her new mango flavored vape before she went home.

“Stanley!” A familiar voice cried.

_Finally,_ Shelly thought. She wanted to spend as little time at this turd factory as possible.

Shelly watched her mother rush up to Stan and embrace him. She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the car. The screech of tires pierced the air as Sharon sped off.

_She’ll be back_ , Shelly reassured herself. _She’s not like Dad. She’ll notice that I’m not there._

* * *

An hour later, Shelly still stood in the parking lot, her cheeks burning with humiliation and anger. Her peers had long vacated the premises, leaving her alone with PC Principal.

“I normally wouldn’t bend the rules like this, especially for a cishet middle class white girl, but I got shit to do. You’re free to go, Marsh.”

Shelly walked away from her principal, not even bothering to say goodbye. The late buses had suspended service due to the shooting, her dad was still at work, and she was too furious at her mom to even think about being in a car with her right now.

Shelly blinked back the tears that suddenly sprang to her eyes. She had been abandoned before. Skyler dumped her. Amir stopped talking to her. Larry died. Her girl friends distanced themselves after word got out that her father was Lorde. But she never in a million years thought that her own mother would fail to come through for her.

Sighing, Shelly began the long walk home.


	38. Retrouvaille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: rare words meme - send in a word for a drabble or starter based on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt word: retrouvaille - the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery
> 
> Shelly is a freshman in college here. This focuses less on the joy and more on the rediscovery part of the definition.

Shelly yawned as she left her English Lit course. This was her last class of the day and she wanted nothing more than to crash in her dorm room for awhile.

She had been in college for a week now and had quickly discovered that it was a vast improvement over high school. She could make her own class schedule, eat whatever and whenever she wanted, and associate with whoever she chose for the most part.

And the guys were much, MUCH hotter.

“Excuse me? Are you Shelly Marsh?”

Shelly inwardly groaned. A lot of Park County High kids had ended up at Colorado State, with its eighty-four percent acceptance rate and in-state tuition fees. She should have known that she would bump into some turd from high school sooner or later.

Shelly turned around to find the poster child for tall, dark, and handsome standing behind her.

_Holy shit, this guy is a fucking Adonis!_ she thought. There was also something vaguely familiar about him, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She was pretty sure that he didn’t go to high school with her.

“Yeah?” Shelly replied cautiously

“Do you remember me? I’m Amir. We used to talk online? We met up that time in California?”

Shelly remembered him, alright. She was hopelessly, embarrassingly obsessed with Amir when she was thirteen. She cringed as she remembered her hysterics when the internet went down and she couldn’t talk to him.

She also remembered going home after the internet was restored and waiting patiently to hear from him. She spent hours refreshing her browser, hoping for something, anything. She had eventually resigned herself to the fact that her hideous face had scared Amir away. She couldn’t really blame him.

“Oh. Hey,” Shelly said shortly. “Well, see you.” She made her way down the corridor.

Amir followed her as she exited the building. “I saw your name on the attendance sheet. I was hoping that it was you. I remembered that you lived in Colorado. You look… different.”

Shelly glowered at him. She hated being reminded about her awkward stage. “Aren’t there any colleges in Montana?”

Amir seemingly didn’t pick up on Shelly’s frosty tone. “Colorado State was the farthest away from Park City that my parents could afford. So, how have you been?”

Shelly gaped at him. What fucking audacity! “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

Confusion flashed across Amir’s handsome face. “I- I’m sorry? Did I do something to offend you?”

“You dumped me without a word all of those years ago and you have the balls to come up to me like nothing happened? God, you’re such a turd!”

“Wait, what?”

“Stay the fuck away from me!” Shelly flipped him off and stormed across the quad.

Amir effortlessly caught up with her. His legs were much longer. “What do you mean that I dumped you? You dumped me!”

Shelly angrily whirled around. “What the hell are you talking about, turd? You saw what I really looked like and ghosted me! And now that I’ve lost my headgear and gone up a couple of cup sizes, you’re suddenly interested! You’re just like the turds that I went to grade school with!”

“No, you’re the one who dumped me!” Amir insisted. “And I get it. You’re from a shithole small town, just like I am. Those places aren’t exactly crawling with guys who look like me.”

Shelly stopped in her tracks, incensed. “Are - are you calling me a racist?!” She was offended by Amir’s insinuation. She might have been a bitch but she was no bigot!

Amir flushed at that. “No! I - it’s just that growing up in Park City sucked, okay? I spent my entire life being called a terrorist. Girls avoided me like the plague. I guess I thought -”

“Well, you thought wrong, turd!” Shelly snapped. “I thought that you were super cute, for your information!” It was Shelly’s turn to flush. Did she really just say that out loud?

“So then why did you stop e-mailing me?”

“I didn’t! You stopped e-mailing me! And how the hell did you actually think that I stopped talking to you because you’re Middle Eastern? Your name is fucking Amir! I wasn’t exactly expecting you to be a WASP!”

Amir looked contrite. “Look, I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just awkward, you know? I told you all of this personal stuff. I guess I was just embarrassed. But you could have e-mailed me!”

“I did! Didn’t I?” Shelly racked her brain. Surely she had contacted Amir after their meeting in California!

“No, you didn’t. I used to check my e-mail ten times a day hoping to hear from you.”

Shelly was at a loss for words. She had convinced herself that Amir wanted nothing to do with her after they met in person. She was so busy brooding about this that she failed to notice that she had inadvertently ghosted him.

“I guess that I could have contacted you,” Shelly said gruffly. “I was embarrassed too. I told you stuff that nobody else knows about to this day.”

The pair lapsed into silence as they continued their walk across campus.

“Look, let’s just start out fresh, okay?” Amir spoke up after a couple of minutes. “Do you want to grab a coffee or something?”

Shelly considered this. Despite everything, Amir seemed like a nice guy. And it didn’t hurt that he was smoking hot.

She smirked. “Okay. But you’re buying, turd!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Park City is a real small town in Montana.


End file.
